I was recently asked by another Guard spouse what to expect during a deployment. Her husband is preparing to leave for a mission similar to the one from which my husband recently returned. I laughed and told her that was a big question with lots of different answers. Based on wisdom gleaned after experiencing countless deployments, here are a few of the more important items to expect during a military separation.
How should I handle social media during a deployment?
First and foremost, know and understand OPSEC (Operational Security). It will keep you and your service member safe. OPSEC is no joke and, not to sound scary, but we live in a global society where information is shared around the world in an instant. An inadvertent post on social media could impact your safety, or that of your Guard member. To stay safe, here are some basic rules to follow:
- do not list your spouse’s specific job on social media
- do not post where your spouse is stationed
- do not post about events that have large numbers of service members
- and do not post about movement of any service member with locations/times/places.
Following OPSEC rules will help to keep you safe from possible predators, both foreign and domestic.
What should I do if something breaks or goes wrong at home during a deployment?
As with anything in life, attitude is everything. You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but I’ve found that saying it out loud sort of helps to speak it into existence when patience is thin. Your attitude is what will help to get you through the challenges that will almost certainly arise during your Guard member’s absence. What is it that’s said with Murphy’s law? “If anything can possibly go wrong, it will.” It truly should be renamed “Deployment Law,” because it’s bound to rear its ugly head at some point while your Guard member isn’t there to share or fix or help.
This past deployment, I actually made it until about a month before my Soldier’s return, when our well-pump quit working, my laptop died, and I had my second flat tire (mind you the Covid-19 pandemic was in full swing and I was working my full-time health-care job). Having been through the challenges of deployment before, I knew it was important that I re-frame the situation quickly in order to preserve my mental health. I reminded myself that I could always buy bottled water to drink; I could go to my son’s house to shower; I could use my phone to read and answer emails; and I could call roadside assistance to help with the flat (btw, I highly recommend getting roadside assistance while they’re gone). I kept telling myself “just keep swimming,” and that’s about when my husband called on video-chat to help talk me through switching from the main well to our livestock backup well: fun stuff to do at 10 pm. At night. In a pump house. With a flash light and the full complement of Florida. Nevertheless, I worked to keep my attitude positive and look for solutions. I did not allow my mind to tell me that I couldn’t do this because I could; I did; and I’m stronger because of it.
Who should I call with questions when my Guard member is deployed?
It was just prior to my husband’s first deployment that I learned about our SFRG (Servicemember and Family Readiness Group). Formerly known as a Family Readiness Group, or FRG, each unit generally has one, and it can be a real life saver. The SFRG consists of unit representatives, Family Programs professionals, and dedicated volunteers whose job is to help you find solutions to issues that may arise before, during, and after deployments and activations. Such issues include:
- reaching your service member during an emergency;
- helping you find where to get a lost ID card replaced;
- balancing a budget;
- correcting pay issues;
- and/or finding camps and activities for military children.
All of these, and more, are just a phone call or text away. Typically, a SFRG member will be in contact throughout the deployment.
Pre-deployment is a great time to ask your service member for your unit’s SFRG contact information. If s(he) does not have it, call the Florida National Guard Family Programs 24/7 hotline at (800) 226-0360 to find out. While you’re at it, feel free to ask whether Family Programs needs some extra help making welfare-check calls or fielding questions from other families. There are likely family members who feel a bit lonely, scared or overwhelmed during a military separation. A simple call or chat offering some friendly reassurance could make all the difference. Some SFRGs even make the effort to meet. During our first deployment, our SFRG planned a few get togethers at our armory where we ate pizza, made scrapbook pages, let the kids play together, and just had a really good time. Our group quickly became close friends and are still friends 13 years – and two deployments – later.
How do I prepare my family for deployment?
A deployment folder is an absolute necessity. In it should be a copy of your servicemember’s orders (required if you lose your ID card); DEERS enrollment information in case of Tricare issues, unit contact information; emergency contact information; a living will for both you and your servicemember; a last will and testament for both you and your servicemember; powers of attorney; document listing financial and insurance information; and any other information you think would be helpful to have handy during deployment. Put your deployment folder in a safe and easy-to-find location. Let a neighbor and/or family member know where it is in the unlikely event that something happens to you. Take the time to do it now so you won’t have to worry about it ever again and when they get home, it can all be put away for safe keeping until the next deployment. For more information on getting ready for deployment, check out our blog article that goes into lots more detail.
And, about that emergency contact form…I can’t underscore how important this is. While you may never have to touch it, it begs the question: if something happens to you, who will contact your servicemember? If you have children and they are old enough to be responsible, include telling them what the list means so they can be informed and helpful if you’re incapacitated. Not fun stuff to talk about but necessary all the same. Next of kin for you and your servicemember should be listed.
What resources exist for military families during a deployment?
There are so many helpful resources for families before, during, and after deployments. Military OneSource is a great place to start. It’s a national resource that offers tons of information on every aspect of military and Guard life, as well as in-person help with finances, or if you just want to talk. On a more local level, the Family Programs team can help you find information, connection and support for most any question or concern you have. They have tremendous resources on financial management, Guard and spouse education and employment, Child and Youth activities, and ideas to help find childcare. In Florida, you can reach them 24/7 at 800-226-0360.
For an in-person experience, you will likely have the opportunity to attend a Yellow Ribbon event. The Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program (YRRP) is a Department of Defense-wide effort to promote the well-being of National Guard and Reserve members, their families and communities, by connecting them with resources throughout the deployment cycle. Register here if you’d like to learn more about their events and resources. If you go, be sure to take notes and write down names of people whom you meet and might need to contact in the future.
Finally, for a long list of military-family-friendly resources, scroll through this treasure trove that we’ve compiled for you here.
Who should I call if I feel lonely or scared during a deployment?
As mentioned earlier, a SFRG representative will reach out at least once during the deployment. Make sure to keep their number in a safe place. When you feel lonely, frustrated, or just want to talk, call them. That’s what they are there for!
If you feel especially low – and the feeling lasts longer than a day or two – it’s vital that your reach out to someone. Call your SFRG leader; the commander’s spouse; your clergy. Call your insurance to find a counselor, or reach out to Military One Source for one of their free counselors. Call someone! There is nothing shameful about finding someone to talk to about how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. You are NOT alone in this – we all get lonely without our servicemember. I personally took an extra pair of his dog tags and hung them on his picture by our bed so I could talk to him whenever I felt the need. We live in a modern world and you will most likely have a good amount of contact with your servicemember during deployment, but if not, please be patient. They are on a mission and will reach you as soon as they can.